[Scene #001] [Scene #002] [Scene #003] [Journal Entry #1] [Journal Entry #2] [Narrative] |
| Long Thread |
The possibility that Brett was going to Atlanta soon was high. She and Nate had been going back and forth about it ever since they decided to buy the club down there. He went down, looked the place over and signed the papers…but they had no idea who exactly was going to oversee the renovations and get the place up to their standards before starting back up again. This was Brett’s idea – buying the club and what have you, so she assumed that she would end up going. But then…Nate would have to “okay” everything before it happened, so…he needed to be there as well. It was all a big mess that came down the fact that…one way or another, they were going to have to be away from the clubs in NYC or each other and only one idea was more feasible than the other. Either way – at any point – Brett may have to pack up and move, temporarily, to Atlanta so she decided that if she was going to properly say “goodbye” to her friend or, at least, catch up with her before leaving again…it needed to happen ASAP. That is why Rayne was on her way to the club that day. Brett was working and had ordered some takeout to be delivered. Nate was in his office on the third floor, but as the main door opened before…Nate had come out and was on his way out, leaving the girls to the place alone. Brett said her goodbyes to him as Rayne climbed the stairs and then she said her hellos to her friend while Nate walked down them. “Hi!” She said, though her tone was not nearly as perky as usual. It was too early in the day for her. She was usually sleeping about this time. Brett motioned her over to the bar before walking behind it. “Want a drink or is it too early in the day for you these days?” Brett was the only other person in this world, aside from her brother and her boyfriend, that Rayne actually loved. She was excited to see her friend because it had been quite a while since she had seen her. Okay, maybe not that long but it was long enough to Rayne. If she were being honest she would probably be lost as all hell without her friend. But she would support anything and everything that Brett did. Even if she moved away from New York. "Hi sexy lady!" she grinned and hugged her friend tightly. She moved over to the bar and nodded "Yes I'd love a drink. How about Jack on the rocks." she smirked, "You know me. It is NEVER too early to drink." she said with a chuckle. "How the hell are you? I missed you. But I always miss you so... that's nothing new huh?" she shook her head thinking, "Sam's son lives with him and that little shit is a handful. I just want to slap the shit out of his teenage ass. So drinking at anytime of the day is aces for me. That fucker is going to drive me to an early grave!" Brett had a lot of friends and even more acquaintances in New York City…but Rayne was probably her only one true friend. The one person – other than Nate, of course – who she would miss if she did leave this city for one reason or another. How that happened...she wasn't even sure of, but it had happened a long time ago and Brett was not going to complain about it. Every girl need a “BFF” to screw around with and talk about things with…and Rayne was definitely that for Brett. And, for the girl who held a lot things in, she really needed that more than she could explain. “Jack on the rocks, got it,” she said after return the hug tightly. Once behind the bar, she filled a glass with ice and poured a double Jack on top of it before sliding it across the bar. All the while, she listened to her friend talk about the teenager in the house and that is what made her say, “You will need a couple of those doubles before you leave here,” with a laugh. She could only imagine and be grateful that Nate had no kids. “I’m good…a lot better than the last time we saw each other in person,” she said with a laugh. “You know…I am back here, so things must be good, huh?” She motioned to the bar, meaning working with Nate and, most of all, back in New York. Rayne wasn't quite sure how they met or hit it off either but she was glad they had. She needed Brett and needed someone that could tell her she was being crazy, a baby or flat out stupid about things. She loved that Brett would do it, because every girl needed that friend. That friend that wasn't scared to tell you that you were being a crazy bitch. "You are amazing" she said as she took the glass and sipped it sighing hard. "Yes, this is amazing. Thank you. Just want I needed." she grinned a little. "I will need a couple you are damn right. I love Sam so much but that kid of his is a trouble maker." she shook her head and listened to what her friend was saying. "Good. I am SO glad to hear that. I was really worried to be honest." she downed the glass and waved more on. "I am so glad you are back here though. I was going to go cray without you!" she admitted and paused for a moment. "And by being back here I take it that Nate and you are good again!" She smiled, "I might not agree with some shit he does but.. I do think if he makes you happy then eff everyone! Even me." She winked. Brett knew the drink would win her over before she ever took the first sip. Just the idea of living with a teenager made Brett want to drink. Dealing with it? Oh yeah. Alcoholic city right there – and no shame about it. Especially with someone Rayne’s age who was probably not that much older than the kid to begin with. Brett certainly wasn’t. “Who is this kid? Do I need to come kick his ass or what?” She would, most likely. Or attempt to settle him down in some way. Even if it wasn’t necessarily her business. She would at least give her friend her little bit of advice, whatever it ended up being, if she could think of any to give. When her cherry vodka sour was done, Brett took a small sip before moving onto a barstool on that side of that bar. She crossed her arms over the wooden top and shrugged her shoulders. “You shouldn’t have worried about me. I was going to be fine, one way or another. I just had too much hit me at once.” That was true. But things were good now. Especially between her and Nate. “It’s better, yeah…I mean…I don’t know what the hell we are really, but he knows how I feel and…what I was thinking so…” That was a huge improvement from where they had been pre-California. “And he’s not as bad as…even I made him out to be. I mean…did I tell you that he apologized? When we were in California. He said that he never should have done what he did, but he was scared and…basically, that it wasn’t worth the trouble he caused.” If anyone knew her well it was Brett. The thought of a drink alone would of won her over. She loved Sam, and she cared for Edward but that little shit drove her up a wall. Rayne was young, not too young but young enough to be close enough to Edwards age to be his sister - or girlfriend even. "His mom sent him to live with Sam... he's a bad kid. Well, not bad. Okay - bad. He's always into trouble and causing shit." she shook her head. "I think he could stand for an ass kicking for real." she was honest about it because she really did think that would do his ass some good. "I know I shouldn't of but you know me - it is what I do." she let out a small chuckle and looked at her friend. "Good. I was hoping it was at the very least better." she listened to what Brett was saying then smiled "I didn't think the was that bad - I mean, I thought he was a dick but I didn't think he was so bad he'd do that shit on purpose to you. After all he had stuck around you know? I'm glad that he apologized. That makes me extremely happy to hear." “That sounds like a rocking good time.” Of course, her tone was laced with sarcasm…because the idea of living with the teenage version of herself was not great…and she was actually a decently, well-behaved kid. She wasn’t the maternal type at this stage in her life…and so it was hard for her to imagine that Rayne could handle it under any terms, much less having a kid that was in constant trouble. “I’d put that kid in Beyond Scared Straight in a heartbeat. But then again, I have no emotional ties…nor do I want any.” At least she could be honest about it. Kids were not something that she and Nate talked about – nor was marriage –and probably would not happen for a long, if ever. They were too involved in their work for that. “You thought better of him than me.” That was true. “For the first few months, I was pretty sure that I was going to wake up dead one day, you know what I mean?” Okay, she had over-reacted…well, he had over-reacted and she had reacted accordingly, but that was neither here nor there these days. “But its good…it’s… Other than the idea of actually being apart from him for work coming up, I am good… Finally. For now.” She laughed hard- harder than she should of. "I know.. right?" she rolled her eyes. "I could kill his mother for sending him here. He is a pain in the ass and he causes so much trouble and gives Sam such a hard time. I just want to slap the piss out of him." she sipped on her other drink rather quickly and smirked. "Oh, Brett. That is the best idea- ever. I am going to pitch it to Sam. Seriously." At this rate? Rayne wasn't quite sure that she wanted to have kids either. This kid was really making her hate kids in general. So anyone that wanted to have them? More power to em. But right now she totally felt Brett. "I like to think that everyone has- some good in them." She laughed, "Though I know that generally they don't this world is really shitty." she shrugged then looked at her friend. "I'm glad that it is good. I wanted it to be finally." she grinned. "I definitely want you and I to have a girls night sometime soon though.. like full on girl night. I need it." “I doubt it’s her fault,” Brett said with a bit of a laugh. “I mean…she probably couldn’t handle him either and thought, you know, maybe a male figure in his life would do some good. Unfortunately, sounds like he is just testing his boundaries hard and it made it worse.” Brett didn’t know much about kids, but she knew some of things that her friends did back home. That was really the only insight she had into the situation. Brett certainly felt bad for her friend – she could only imagine the stress that she was going through. Teenagers were not easy to handle period, but especially not when they were new to the home and pushing back on the boundaries that they were given, out of spite if for no other reason. “Nate has some good in him,” she stated, “It just took him a hell of a long time to show it.” She wasn’t hesitating or exaggerating in that statement. Rayne knew the details of what had gone on – sans the part where Nate had, somewhat, taken advantage of her while her mind was in a weakened state. But, til this day, Brett was still confused about that and chose not to speak about it with anyone except him. “But don’t worry about me…I’m getting there. You know…I pull through things.” She flashed a small smile before taking in a deep breath and another sip of her drink. “Then we should make that happen soon. Really soon. I’m going to Atlanta on September 8th. I plan on coming back on the 11th, but I wouldn’t be shocked if I ended up down there for a while.” |
| Medium Thread |
Her hair gets pulled and a little blood gets drawn…and Nate goes in a firing spree like no one’s business. Three of the five bouncers that day were fired for even letting his wife in the building, much less letting her get to Brett. Firing them was probably going overboard, but Brett said nothing. Mainly because… if they let someone get to her in a deserted club, what else where they missing while the club was full of customers every night? The question really plagued her, but she tried not to think too much about it. Now…they were doing interviews to replace the guys that had been fired. Nate had put her in charge of the first round – as if she needed any more to do – and he would meet with only the desirables during the second round. Since the jobs were for Initiation, they would be conducting the interviews there – in the VIP section where a bartender and bouncers were being paid extra to be on hand for the events. Brett had lost count of exactly how many guys she had seen so far, but her notes were vast and detailed. When she heard the door open and shut downstairs, she moved over to the railing and looked down over the first floor of the club. “Hi, come on up…” She said as she looked down over the man. When he made it up to her level, she motioned for him to follow her over to the booth where she was set up. “I’m Brett Sloane. Director of Marketing and Entertainment. I’ll be doing the first round of interviews for Mr. Gesanos. Can Sam over there get you a drink?” He had been saying he was going to leave the bar he'd been at for years but never actually had. He'd decided after catching his cousin and friend getting down and dirty in the stock room that maybe it was the right time. The place was getting old and Alexei had always thrived on change. Ten years in one place was hardly a change. This was the first interview he'd had however and that in itself made it a little difficult in the fact he hadn't interviewed in so long that he didn't even know if he could get through an interview without bombing it. If he did, well there would be others and this would be a stepping stone, if it worked out great. It looked like a good fit for him and more money meant more means for him to take care of his little girl. He'd arrived a little early but that was what a person was supposed to do right? He'd dressed in an outfit that he thought seemed appropriate for an interview but then again for a position like that he wasn't too sure on the proper interview attire. He stepped in and took off his sunglasses seeing a petite woman up top he followed the sound of her voice up and gave her a good firm hand shake. "Alex Roderick, nice to meet you Miss Sloane." He could be polite when he needed to be. He took his seat and thought about ordering something with a little kick to it but opted out on that. "You know what? A scotch on the rocks would be great actually, you only live once right?" It was a ballsy move getting an alcoholic drink during an interview but he strongly believed in what he said. "It's been a while since I've actually been in an interview but I'm sure that doesn't matter, you have a bunch of questions for me I'm sure." Brett was dressed in her daytime work attire – a well-fitting black pants suit with a teal, silk top underneath the jacket. She left the skin tight dresses and hooker heels for nighttime these days. But she wasn’t all that concerned about what he was wearing – he would get the information about the dress code before the interview was through and it would only matter from then on out. And, really, only if he even ended up getting the job. Knowing Nate, he would not hire a person that she picked out…until she threatened his ass and then he would tell her to pick. But who knew…she certainly didn’t. “Sam, can I get a on ice and a refill on my whiskey sour, please,” she called across the room to the bartender who nodded quickly. Brett slid into her side of the booth, crossed her legs and flashed the guy a bright but likely fake smile. It wasn’t anything against him, but at this point in the day…all of her actual happiness had faded away. She was tired and still had to come back to the club tonight. “Don’t worry about it. Your ability to talk business doesn’t make you a great bouncer. Talking business is my job.” She winked before she opened up her notebook and grabbed her pen. The bartender set their drinks down in front of them and she thanked him. “Okay, Alex… Let me start by telling you that we are looking to fill three positions. We had three of our guys get fired a few days ago for not doing their job. I’ll be conducting this first round of interviews and if I think you might be a good fit, we’ll ask you back to talk to the big boss. That’s Nate Gesanos.” She paused for a moment before continuing. “As a door man here, you will have a lot of responsibility. Partially security, but you also will have say over who gets in and who doesn’t. Initiation is the top night club in New York right now and we have strict standards. Dress codes, behavior, the whole nine… If you walk into work one night and aren’t wearing the proper attire, the manager has to send you home. Period. You come to work for us, or you come into our club, and you look and act a certain way or we don’t want you here.” It was intense but true. “So…the first question is, will that be a problem for you?” He thanked Sam when the drinks were brought over and took a drink as the leggy blonde woman flashed him a smile; one that he would assume was fake. Working as a bartender he did get a good read on people and he had mastered the art of a fake smile a while back himself. It was how he got his tips and earned his living really. That and not fucking up the drinks. He listened to everything she said and took another small drink and set the glass back down on the table next to his sunglasses. She meant business and he had no problem with that. He was starting to feel he was too old to listen to peoples problems and in what she had just described to him he wouldn't have that problem with this job. He gave a genuine smile before he spoke up. "Rules are in place for a reason. Need to look the part and act professional not like a frat boy. Left that phase of my life a long time ago. I don't cause drama, I don't want no drama. Long answer made short I guess is no that's not a problem at all." Another sip of his drink not because he was nervous but because it gave him something to focus on between questions. That and he was honestly parched since it was hot as shit outside. Brett unfortunately did mean business. That was certainly a trait that she had grown during the last few month since taking this job and getting involved with Nate. Before, she used to let loose and stay loose. She could still do that, but he gave her a lot of responsibility for these clubs. She benefitted from these businesses doing well just like he did. “Good. If you do your job here, then you’ll be well-liked. If you fuck up like the other guys did and let someone come in and attack me, well, you won’t last long.” Brett took several moments to finish writing down the notes that she had started while he was still talking. She wanted to make sure and remember things accurately because she didn’t want to make the same mistake that…whoever hired those last three fools…did. “Okay, so…assuming that you get the job here, you will probably be working the door downstairs as second fiddle. Nate may want to put you here in VIP, but that’s not likely. VIP here is even more elite than the downstairs. You basically have to come through me to get in up here. On that note, Nate will tell you that I am the law, he is the executor. You do what I tell you or he will make sure that you do. I don’t know why that is, but…I don’t fight it. It’s easier for me to do my job if the promises that I make people actually work out.” She paused for another moment. “Tell me about your experience. How long you been doing this and where previously? What were those places like?” Had he ever had a woman boss before? No. Did that mean he was opposed to it? No. Before his job at the bar he'd done a lot of loose end things he'd rather not talk about. Stripping, selling illegal drugs, hell he'd even done a very brief sting working at a Burger King. All things he would rather keep secret and to himself. That was the thing about Alex. He kept a lot in and left the past a mystery. He got this job that would stay the same, work was going to be work and his personal life would be separate. That's how he needed his life to be. He needed the separation, and the way Brett spoke this place would give him that. It had a set of strict policies but in a place like that he did suppose those were needed. He nodded his head to acknowledge what she'd already said and then took another drink and set the glass back down before he answered her question. "Well for the past ten years I've been working down at Zinc on 3rd. Technically a bartender because they don't have a bouncer on staff but me and one of the other guys are the muscle. People act up they get kicked out. We had just last week a fight escalate and I had to talk the guy down and get him out of the bar. I'm good at what I do. I could make any drink you want as well but I need a change. Being a bouncer I could assure you no one is going to get past me to come at you mam. Before that worked the door at Flash Dancers. It wasn't as exclusive as this, the owner was kind of a scum lord but I was there for almost two years. Both places I checked ids, refused intoxicated people service, broke up fights, only used forced when I had too." That had gotten long winded but maybe that would work in his favor? It would show some sort of passion? Alex was a talker when he was nervous though. Brett wasn’t much concerned about whether he could take direction from a woman. She wasn’t the general manager and he would not have to deal with her much, but when he did…he would either do what she asked or go home and not come back. It was as simple as that, according to Nate. Either way, it wasn’t a big deal. Brett had a big enough mouth and a hard enough attitude that she did not have a lot of problem with making anyone listen to her. She could stand up for herself and has no hesitation about doing so. “So you have been around the block then,” she said with a nod of her head as she went back to writing down notes in the notebook. The page was quickly becoming filled as she was taking note of what he said, how he looked and everything about the meeting that they were having. “That’s good, but I don’t think any job you have done in the past could prepare you for this place. We run things differently here. You have to be organized. If someone comes in here and makes a scene, that’s on you. If someone banned gets in here again, that’s on you. We don’t have a lot of fights or drunken escapades here because if you drink too much and get into a fight once, you don’t step foot back in here again.” She paused for a moment. “Okay…your best friend shows up at the door. Dressed in ripped blue jeans, a tank top…he’s been at your previous place of business for most of the night and is hammered. Do you let him in or send him home?” He chuckled softly and nodded his head. "Yeah you could say that I suppose. As for my drunk best friend who is dressed a mess and drunk off his ass? Nah he ain't getting in. I'd actually call a cab and send his ass home to sleep it off. I get that this is a place of business. That shouldn't be allowed. I don't care if the President shows up. If he's drunk off his ass and dressed like that he wouldn't get in. I'm a good judge of character. I know that this place is more elite. It's part of why I applied in the first place." He brought the glass to his lips again and let the scotch warm its way down his throat. Bouncers were important he got that and at this place they were the make all and break all it seemed. It made sense, it was a responsibility thing. As a parent that actually helped him understand where she was coming from. "I think you're right in holding me responsible if someone gets in that shouldn't because that would be on me. I take accountability for my actions you wouldn't ever have to worry about that mam." “As long as you understand that,” she said in regard to his comments about his friend and the President. “It’s not that we discriminate against anyway, but our customers come here because they can have fun without things being a huge mess.” Brett knew that she was doing most of the talking and she had done that almost all day. It was a weird thing given that she was the interviewer and not the interviewee, but that is just how things had to go. With this job, he either had the experience or he didn’t. “Alright, well…if you get this job, you will be taking most of your orders from Carlos. He is the GM for this place. You’ll meet him if you get the job. You’ll also be working every other night. We expect you to be here by 5:45, doors open at 6:30. Doors remain open until 3am, club clears out by 4:30. We do work Sundays for a reverse brunch.” Brett slid out of the booth slowly and motioned or him to follow her as she moved down the stairs slowly. “We’ll let you know something sometime tomorrow morning, one way or another. We’ll let you know when you need to meet with Nate then. Have your references and at least one letter of recommendation on hand when you meet him.” Brett came to a stop at the door and turned around to face him again. “Do you have any questions? I know I have done most of the talking here. I can answer anything else you may want to know.” |
| Short Thread |
What the hell happened? Brett could give you all of the details, but making them connect into some logical format…that was beyond her comprehension right now. Her amazing job? It was gone. It had been a week since she walked away from The Gesanos Group – and Nate himself – with an official “I quit” that was not written in lipstick on his forehead. He finally pushed her to her limit and she could not take it anymore. She was sad and depressed. She had managed to keep things completely professional between them for…a week? Maybe two. But he just pushed her as far as she could go with the threats of taking her job away – as if that was really important to her. The money was nice, so was the car, but she could get on without it. Tonight, she was at one of his clubs. A friend had invited her out and insisted on going to this one. (Clearly, her work would last long after she had quit it.) She was sitting in the corner of a booth with the guy who had always been too touchy feeling. Granted, she really wasn’t in the mood but…she wasn’t going to push him away. And, honestly, it had nothing to do with the fact that Nate was in the club as well. He had been walking past (and possibly staring) for a while now. Brett wanted to get up and leave, but instead, she distracted herself with fielding phone calls to clients. One wanted into some fancy restaurant, another into the VIP section of an upscale club, a third to an afterhours party that was supposed to be slamming that night. Brett did her best to pay Nate no mind as she tried to discreetly push her “friend” back into his own personal space. Or, at least, out of hers. It had been hours since she moved from her seat, but finally, she had to go to the bathroom and could not hold it any longer. She did her best walk of confidence and normality towards the dark hallway that led to the VIP bathrooms and slipped in, locking the main door behind her. At that point, she sucked in a deep breath and pushed it back out. Finally. Some peace. if there was one thing that Nate Gesanos could rule with, it was a degree of fear. Fear and antagonization could be a dangerous combination and he knew that throwing that blend in the direction of Brett Sloane was anything but an innocent mistake. He knew after reading her first email that she was trying to make a clean break from him but he wasn't ready to give it up so easily. The formulated email he sent back to her was calculated to get her blood boiling but also to let her know that he'd been careful to honor the contract she'd signed after their beachfront ultimatum. The last part of the problem was that he had really grown to adore her in the casual way that things had shifted from professional to personal in so quick a timeframe. He had thought to give her a solid apology, a sincere one that could mend fences but then she stomped into his office, scrawled her resignation in fuchsia lipstick, and stomped out. A week later and he was still fuming but business was still over the top from where it had been months earlier before she'd started. Nate was grateful that she had been able to bring him so much additional revenue but he knew that there wasn't enough closure in her exit for either of their tastes. She could pretend that she was over it and ready to leave it all behind but he'd meant to give her a bonus on the morning of that last meeting. Even when he'd spent time scrubbing away the bright pigment from his forehead, she'd earned it and he wanted to at least try to salvage a scorched bridge or pull the gas can from her hands. He's dressed in his usual black-on-black suit but elected to change it up with a solid plum tie that could only be seen under proper lighting. With his club packed tightly and seats at a premium, he saw her in her usual booth with an extra friendly regular. Nate had walked around the area a few times, consciously trying to diverted his glare when she saw him but when she escaped to the bathroom, he struck carefully and as smoothly as possible. He waited a moment before sliding into the booth beside her tipsy, horny companion and made a quick deal for discounted drinks for a month. It only took a moment and a motion to a few tipsier female clients before the booth was vacated and Nate could wait for her to return. His men were scattered, nowhere near the dimly lit booth because he didn't want her overly suspicious or nervous as he tried to say his peace. When, by the time she had finished her business in that bathroom, the door had not been opened forcefully by a black suited male – Brett thought that she was in the clear. For once, she thought, Nate was abiding by the terms of their contract and leaving her to herself now that she was done working for him. He may not have been happy with having her in his place of business, especially so close to another male, but…he was going to leave her alone and that was a bit of weight that was lifted off of her shoulders. It was hard enough trying to organize her feelings about this entire situation anyway; she didn’t need him rushing in to make things more complicated than they already were. But, of course, she had too much faith in the man. As she fled the bathroom and pushed through the crowd of people to make her way back to the booth where she had been sitting, it was cleared with only one body sitting there. Nate Gesanos himself. Shit. What had he done with the group of people that she had been with? Why was he breaking their contract now when he had left her alone since she quit? Giving back all of the money that he had given her, the phone, the car…it should have been enough? It should have been a clear enough clue that she wanted nothing more to do with him. But…it wasn’t. Because he was an alpha male and he would never be done until he was ready to be done. It was hard to see him sitting there. Honestly, Brett was stopped in her tracks and as she stared across the crowded room at his presence, she seriously considered whether approaching him was even worth it. She had gotten attached when she knew better than to…and it was kicking her consistently in the ass and had been since he returned her e-mail. For a few weeks, she allowed herself to believe that Nate Gesanos actually cared about her – that there was some kind of personal connection developing between them, but she had been wrong. Now, she had to pay the price of her own stupidity and tonight that meant having to deal with his lack of emotion. “I’m not doing anything to take customers away from your precious business.” Brett moved toward the table, but she refused to sit down. Instead, she stood a safe distance away with her arms crossed tightly over her chest. “I’m just trying to have a good time with my friends, so you are actually earning money from me…yay. So you can leave our booth now, please…comforted by the idea that the one person who could probably take out your business…isn’t.” He had waited to contact her because he had been waiting to get his head right on the issues at hand. Nate knew that she had been conscious about staying away and about trying to sever ties with her completely but something inside of him had refused to let that happen at any level. Without her phone, without the car, without her email, he was unable to control any aspect of her life and he was slowly coming to terms with that but then she showed up and reminded him of everything that had happened. Nate had been sitting quietly in the booth, drinking from his double rum and cola class when she slowly reached but hesitated at the table. He knew that she was spooked but what needed to be said needed to be said and there was no other way of getting things settled between them than this. Enough witnesses were in the building and he wasn't planning anything stupid. "That's why I'm sitting in your booth. That's why I sent your friends away for a bit. I'm sitting here because you were true to your word and I'm reaping the benefits but you aren't getting a damn thing and that's fucked up, Brett." Nate looked up at her but not directly in her face, that would have given him away completely--a fact that they both knew. "I fucked the whole thing up by not just calling you on your shit and firing you before you could give me a pink stain on my forehead. We never should have mixed business with pleasure or what seemed like it and that's my fault. It's also my fault about the stupid legal-sounding email that I sent after you told me how you felt…" He finally looked up at Brett square in the eye, dropping a good amount of the red tape that surrounded his heart and soul. "It hurt that you thought you knew what you wanted but then you didn't fucking know…I don't fucking know what I'll want next week or next year but I wanted you in whatever capacity I could have…" Nate stopped talking and looked down at the drink in front of him, twisting his mouth around with teeth dug into lips before just stopping to drink more of it. "If you know what you want, okay but I still demand you take your bonus. it's what I promised in your contract…" Whatever Brett had expected him to say…it was not that. In all honesty, it kind of pissed her off. She had this image of him getting what he wanted through fear and intimidation tactics. This was not fearful nor was it intimidating and that just confused the hell out of her. Why did he have to change from one kind of person to the other without any forewarning? It made it really hard for Brett to know what of him she could tolerate or what she could expect from one day to another. The change in tempo and personality really riled her up a lot more than it should have and she imagined that he liked that – that could have even been the reason why he did it. “While I am glad that your ego is large enough to encompass guilt, you are wrong.” Brett had no problem with looking him in the eyes at this point. The darkness of the club hide the sparkling beauty that generally had her hypnotized for a few moments or so. “You are doing what you have, undoubtedly, always done. You can’t be at fault for that. I knew exactly how this was going to end and yet…I agreed to involve myself in it anyway.” She paused for a moment and broke the gaze that they were sharing. She didn’t want to see his reaction; that is why she looked away. “So that is on me. All of this is on me.” Was it a realization that she was just having? Not really. She had plenty of time to think about it until this point. This was just the first time that she was having to say it out loud and those words spilling off of her tongue felt weird. This was her fault; she could have prevented it all; she deserved all of the pain that she was feeling and she had to own up to that. None the less…she had higher expectations of him. Let’s face it – she had been hoping that maybe she could change him, but you can’t change a person. Especially a person like him. “One thing that you made perfectly clear is that I was in your life for business. Anything else was just a temporary bonus.” Brett moved closer to the table where she grabbed her handbag out of the center as she was seriously considering walking away from the table and leaving the club for good. “Well, I am not a bonus and I don’t want yours. I don’t want any connection to you because…well, because you are you. And I was stupid and had higher expectations of you than I should have. I knew better but I did it anyway.” Brett turned her body to walk away from the table, but before she actually took that first step – she stopped herself. Maybe she felt guilty that he felt guilty. She was not that the kind of person that could just leave that to fester. So, she looked back up at him for a moment, only to say, “I didn’t have to give the money back, but I did because I didn’t want it. That is my choice. No contracts necessary.” And then, she walked away. She had changed him to some small degree and they both knew it. She had encouraged him to finally push this divorce through against his wife's wishes because he wanted her. She had encouraged him to branch out from wearing all black, the way that his internal coloring had to be shown on the outside. Nate wanted to call her out on that load of bullshit with every ounce of angry Italian blood boiling inside his veins but he just waited for her to finish or start to finish before he could even rationalize what he was thinking. Nate just sat back in the dark part of the booth, where the gel and strobe lights couldn't catch an inch of his flesh. He sipped from his drink, pounding it before pulling a second from across the table to continue quenching his thirst. He watched as her hands went to grab her handbag, cutting his eyes at her before she could could fully step away. "So you get to give me a fucking bonus, an ugly fucking shade of fuchsia but a fucking bonus none the less---and I can't return the favor…" He flashed her a small smile before going quiet again, broken briefly for his punchline. "I threw that horrible fucking lipstick in the trash by the way, it looked like shit on you and on my face. Clashes with your eyes and hair…personality even." He saw her turn around before she came back to the table, said her peace and stomped back off into some far off location within the club. Nate finished his drink before he foliowed her, his shining black leather shoes catching the wide rainbow of mechanical lights as he reached to her shoulder. "So there's no more fucking contract. What did you want from me, Brett? Seriously? What did you expect me to do? I started things off in the worst possible way but I changed because you wanted me to and because you made me want to change to be better." Nate turned completely and brought her body around with him. "Do you see Jerry, Philly, or Red? I gave them the night off because it's fucking intimidating and they've been stealing fucking drinks. I divorced my wife. I'm wearing a purple fucking tie. I'm fucking smiling. This place is doing beautifully. It's all because you're as badass as you promised you were. I'm not going to say anything else because it would be an underestimation. It's not a bonus for you, it's a bonus for me and I wanted to share it with you." He shrugged and stepped a few feet back. "So what do you want me to do? Cause a huge fucking scene or what? I'm trying this whole new thing where I don't abuse power and try to be a fair kind of asshole." God, this man was the epitome of frustrating. Brett had spent the better part of the last few months trying to understand his way of thinking…but it was genuinely lost on her. From one day to the next, she didn’t know if he was going to play the powerful asshole or the insecure asshole. Either way, it two very different sides to the same story and she just couldn’t keep up. What was wearing a different colored tie? Not much in the grand scheme of things. His divorce? That was something big and honestly, it was something that Brett felt bad about. When she told him to do it, she never thought he actually would but that was even earlier into this “relationship” than she was/they were now. And, well, she did not have a clue now…so what did that tell you? This couldn’t be normal or easy, could it? She had to attract the power driven weirdos who got off on being complicated. The rich guys who thought a cherry red convertible and lots of money would make her forget the fact that he was capable of doing bad things. The one with no emotions that wanted her because she was the unusual blonde – smart, successful and unwilling to open her legs for every guy that came around. She had morals and that made her a target. What was worse about the whole thing was that Brett stood still and turned to face him – putting herself right in his path and making her forehead the bull’s eye. Instead of fighting to keep her dignity, fighting him until he found a new toy to catch his interest, she gave in. Now he was claiming to have changed because of her? Was it a ploy or was it the truth? Were there really enough emotions inside of him to actually change himself for someone else? Brett didn’t believe it, but she did not want to believe it either. Instead, she just wanted all of this to be over so that she could move on. She wanted to have not gotten herself into a position where she now had feelings for someone who likely did not feel the same way and who was certainly destined to break her heart. Did he really just insult my lipstick? That was the question that Brett asked herself as she was walking away from him. She didn’t know why she cared. She was on her way out of the club when Nate found her again; she had simply been finding a friend to reveal that she was leaving for the night. Unfortunately, it gave Nate enough time to decide to hunt her down in the process. His words hit her one after another in her head and it was hard to process all at once. But that didn’t make the answer any harder. For once, she knew what she wanted from him…but that did not mean that she was going to tell him that. “You changed?” She made a point to let out a laugh at that moment as she shook her head. “You haven’t changed. Sending an HR written e-mail as a reply to something personal is not changed. It’s the same bull-headed shit that you pulled from the beginning.” For several moments, she paused. Her heart was beating out of her chest and she was worked out more than she would have liked to be. That was what caused her to lash out at him again. “Do you know that shit hurts? Being treated like you are owned. I thought, you know, there was a small part of me that thought maybe I would be wrong…unfortunately, I have the curse of never being wrong…especially when I would like to be. So I don’t care what you do as long as you don’t it around me…” |
| Journal Entry #1 |
 I have never really been one to be depressed. I can’t even say that I am depressed now… I just have
a lot weighing on my mind that I really don’t know what to do with. I brought at least part of it on myself, I know that. I should have stood my ground instead of
letting myself fall… but I was bound to make a mistake eventually. What’s worse…is that I knew how big a mistake it New York has been great for the last 4 years. I’ve enjoyed my time here, but…I just don’t think it’s working out the way I imagined. I have to go back home to California soon…and I am considering staying there. Get a job waitressing or something. I don’t know. It just sounds easier and…I’m in need of something easy these days. Everything has been too much work…everyone has caused so much work and stress…I am just exhausted. I need a break. But my life is not that easy because…I am too stubborn to do what I know I need. Maybe, hopefully, this time…I won’t be. |
| Journal Entry #2 |
 For my entire life, my parents were never married. Until about four months ago, I never imagined
that they would get married. I imagined that, eventually, I would get a call that my Dad as now living with some young blond who lived life in a bikini and looked
remarkably similar to me. Soon after, I would expect a call that my mother was having some fling with some worthless, piece of trash guy that I went to high school
with. You know – a story straight out of the life of some pro-wrestler turned reality star. (Don’t question why I envision my life similar to someone like that.)
Don’t ask me why I expected all of that – I just did.
I got over the fact that they weren’t married. When I was a kid, it used to bother me. As I grew up and had boyfriends of my own, I came to the realization it was because they had one foot out of the door on their relationship – and there was nothing wrong with that. My life was filled with so many fuckup ex-boyfriends that I, actually, thought it was a brilliant way to live life. Not commitment, no cares about cheating, no bullshit arguments over the definition of your “relationship.” None of that. You were just…there, until you didn’t want to be anymore. Then, you were gone. It worked perfectly…until it was time to grow up, then it didn’t work so well anymore. These days, I find myself in a position of having emotions that I have never dealt with. They show themselves at the worst time and in the worst ways. That being said – I am still not okay with my parents being married. And that’s the purpose of this post. This whole rambly mess was brought on by the fact that my parents want me to come visit. Sure, I am less than 2 hours away when I have been almost an entire country away…But I don’t know that I am ready to face them yet. None the less, they won’t get off my dick so… Fuck. |
| Narrative |
“No. Stop. Please stop.” It was a familiar feeling. That sinking feeling that overcame you when you knew something bad was about to happen. Only…was it really bad? Of course it was. He was married. No. He was divorced now…but he was still her boss and he still had a girlfriend. It was all the same. It was exactly the same as it had been – eight and half months ago. Damn. It had been that long? Only this time…she had to force herself to say the word, “No.” It did not spill eloquently off of her tongue as it had once before. A lot of hills had exhausted her…clouding her vision to what was right and what was wrong, but that did not even matter anymore. What used to be wrong had probably been made right, but she would never admit to herself that right was what she wanted, whether it was actually wrong or not. Eight and half months was an appropriate amount of times…for things to get majorly fucked up on both sides. His eyes were devastating…and devastated. They looked at her with such intensity that it fogged her mind even greater. They made the words stumble out awkwardly between fast breaths that were sucked in through her nose. She wanted this, exactly as she had before, but there was always such a gigantic wall in between them. Something more to climb. Another reason why things just could not be easy between them – for them – to be together if that is even what he wanted of her anymore. Did he even ever? “No.” His voice was deep…heavy with rasp and a little bit of struggle as he hovered over her on the bed. She was sitting up still – her arm reaching behind her to feel for some way out of this intensely intimate situation that she had gotten herself into but there was nothing. Only the feeling of pillows that were useless to her at the time. His hand reached for her face, cupping her defined jaw line as he leaned forward for a kiss that was never made. She pulled away, continuing to fight her morals like she always had. “Tell me that you don’t want this.” Pain was a heavy emotion to bear…and his voice was drowning in it. “Tell me that you truly don’t want this and I will go away.” His hand slipped through the blonde wafts of hair until it rested on the back of her head, pushing until their foreheads were pressed together and she no longer had the hypnotic magic of his eyes to persuade her. It was just them – her and him – together. All she could feel was his hot breath and warm lips on the side of her face as he pleaded with her. “But tell me that you do…and this will all be over with. It will all be done.” But she couldn’t tell him. She could not open her mouth to speak the words that he did not want to hear. All she could do was let her walls fall…tears spilling through the cracks and crevices onto crumbled brick and stone. Eight and half months of pent up emotion was washed onto the surface and she could not contain herself. She grabbed his face and pulled his lips to crash onto hers – a hard, intense kiss that softened as the battle was lost and the fight left her body. A strong arm wrapped around her body, pulling her beneath him as he found comfort between her legs. His lips moved from hers to the bare flesh along her neck and across her shoulder. He kept her close, refusing to let her get away as the trail of soft kisses caused a moan to escape her lips. His hand swept slowly out of her hair. The tips of his fingers gliding along her neckline gently. “Are you ready?” His words soft, in that deep tone of his that made her crack from limp to limp. There was hesitation, but as the tears continued to flow from her ducts…she nodded her head slowly. Blurb. The sound of her throat collapsing under the pressure of his hand could be heard in the silence of the room. Her lasts breaths were sucked in frantically as a second hand joined on the other side of her neck…and he looked down at her with those now dark eyes. Her eyes grew wide as the pressure of her remaining oxygen supply pushed out in any manner it could. The upper part of her body was lunged forward – the force of her lungs trying to breathe. But there was no use. Her body was dying at a fast rate and though her tiny hands wrapped tightly around his wrists, she did not fight him. She stared upward until he turned into a blur…and until the blur turned into the dark. Until…she was gone. *** And then she was awake…coughing and flailing with such intensity that her body fell from the bed, onto the floor. Both of her hands moved to her neck, feeling for another set that just weren’t there as she gasped intensely for air that she did not need. As her two beautiful dogs were awoken by the disturbance, barking and growling frantically at the invisible cause…Brett remained on her knees on the floor as tears washed over her face in drones. It took her several moments to realize that…it had all been a dream. An intense nightmare formulated by the dark place that her mind had been. Maybe to scare her happy again or maybe to push her further down the dark path. Whatever the case, she couldn’t move from that spot on the floor…and instead, she pressed her face against the hardwood floor as the sobbing continued. Until she was so exhausted…that her body collapsed into a ball and she fell back to sleep because sleep was the only action that her body could manage. |